When Stubborn Serves Her Well
She turned her cants into cans and her dreams into plans.
Yogi Yamada, author
I’ve used stubborn to describe my daughter before (actually many times). Ages 3 and 5 are better left in the past as they were her most stubborn stages. Whoever said “terrible twos” never made it to 3-years-old! Year 5 had so many major life changes and routines disrupted, I don’t hold that one against her. This last year at 6, in Kindergarten, she is fun to be around. Her capabilities are ever expanding. She is confident and more accepting of not having to be the center of universe. She is helpful and quick to offer her wisdom to any situation.
One of her newest adventures is playing hockey. I never pictured myself a hockey mom. I grew up in one of the few small towns of Minnesota that had a city-owned rink but lacked any leagues, lessons or high school level play. It is all foreign to me. I figure skate. That’s thanks to my Aunt Cheryl. Growing up she drove the Zamboni, so I learned my limited skills on the ice of Windom Arena, renting skates and imaging I was a graceful Olympic figure skater.
This past November, Addy asked if she could play hockey. Having some family and friends with kids playing, we tracked down a volunteer-based club in our neighborhood. It is fabulous. Both boys and girls play, and most of the coaches are dads of daughters. Addy was captivated from the onset.
On the flip side of stubborn, my daughter can be cautious and sometimes apprehensive of taking risks in front of others. She also has a bit of stage fright. After her first year of dance, she decided to forgo the year-end recital. That was fine with me. I have always taught her that if her body isn’t comfortable, she doesn’t need to go any further. Eventually she acclimates and then does something new and daring, lessening the risk (at least in her mind).
I watched her make her way onto the ice with some trepidation but a big smile.
The first day of hockey (fyi…we skipped over skating lessons and simply dropped her into mini mites), it took some convincing to go out on the ice. The girls and the coaches were encouraging and so very accepting of her. She loved the social atmosphere and was flattered to receive so much attention from the older girls. I watched her make her way onto the ice with some trepidation but a big smile.
The first 2 months, she fell a lot. A lot is really an understatement. I was thankful for her pads as her body was spared many bruises. Unlike dance a year ago, she wanted to be out there. She gave it her all, falling and getting right back up. At seasons end, she was skating quite well and actually put a stick to a puck for a score in her only scrimmage.
What Addy loves most about skating is the Minnesota winter. She loves the local city rinks and is part of the Minneapolis Titans “Rink Rats” program, meeting every Friday for an hour practice followed by a bonfire with s’mores and hot cocoa. Even Aaron and I get on the ice for a little frivolity! It’s become a family favorite.
Another part of hockey that entices Addy to the ice is the knowledge that every player, even in the NHL, fall. It is not a sign of failure but rather it is a part of the experience. She has seen that to simply learn how best to fall and quickly get back up is a skill that will serve her game well. So when she goes down, she gets right back up.
When she first started, she didn’t know that falling was part of the game. She would get discouraged and upset that she wasn’t as good as the girls around her. After practice, she would tell me that just wants to be a professional and not fall. Yet during practice, she never let on that she was frustrated. Watching her, I cringed and wondered when she would tell me “I hate hockey,” code for “I don’t want to do this anymore.” That never happened. She skated. She fell. She got up. She skated. She fell. She got up. Repeat with a smile on her face.
The stubborn I hated so much at 3-years-old was now serving her well. I couldn’t have been more proud of her. She inspired me! Finally launching my blog was partly due to Addy’s display of courage and her infinite stubborn streak! Thank you, my dear daughter.
With hockey almost over, she is channeling her determination into school. Everyday she gives it her all. At 3, I was pulling my hair out. My girlfriends said to me, “This will serve her well someday.” I tried not to let my doubt and disappointment show. Now I am telling other young mothers the same thing. My sister called her “firecracker” when she was born. It was more a reference to her hair color than her personality. She grew into the name like many of us do. Firecracker is a testament to her personality and her willingness to embrace life. She is exuberant with love for the world!
May she continue to be blessed with the fire within to try and try again, fall and get up, as though it is simply part of the game of life.
To you – mother, daughter, whoever is reading:
- Don’t give up.
- Wear stubborn as a badge of honor.
- Don’t wait; use your determination today.
- See a fall as a sign of how the game is played rather than a sign of failure.
- Cautious and courage can go hand-in-hand!
- Be you and celebrate all of it!
