Welcome To A Not So Average Mom Blog

Welcome to another “mom blog”! But wait! It’s not an average mom blog. If you aren’t a mom or even if you are, keep reading. There is something in here for you! 

“I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.”

Diane Von Furstenberg

I’m a mother, raised by a mother, who was raised by a mother, who was also raised by…you guessed it…a mother. My own motherhood came five years ago when I gave birth to my daughter, Addy, with ginger hair and a stubborn streak rivaled only by her dad. For a midwestern gal, I came to motherhood a little late in the game. I’ll be celebrating my 41^stbirthday this spring, and I only imagined raising a child after my first marriage failed and I met Aaron, my partner of 8 years. Though I am a relatively new mom, I have spent a lot of time around kids and their parents. I have had over 20 years’ experience in a professional capacity as a youth director for a number of Lutheran churches and camps. I still manage to keep a toe in the field working part time as a consultant and use my writing skills creating faith-based curriculum. I am most comfortable as an urbanite but have started stretching my imagination by looking at rural real estate (so as to support my husband’s dream of acreage and living off the land). As long as there are cool people to hang out with, a functioning downtown store front, a church with a children’s and youth director on staff and some progressive voters, I think I can live anywhere. As I tell my daughter, home is wherever your people are! And in our case, two fur balls as well, Hazel and Sage. 

I started taking stock of my mommy role models. Those women who conveyed attributes I admire: strong self-esteem, resilience, compassion and purpose, not to mention fun-loving and healthy.

Even before I experienced my first toddler temper tantrum or felt the “I love you so much, Momma” neck-crushing hug, I started taking stock of my mommy role models. Those women who (in my mind) conveyed some key attributes I admired: strong self-esteem, resilience, compassion and purpose, not to mention fun-loving and healthy. And those attributes didn’t stop with them; they seemed to flow into their children. Some of these women were moms of little tikes while others were navigating the teenage years. Some were also mothers with adult children now settling into an empty nest or trying on a new title like “grandma”. These women, unbeknownst to them, have been teaching me, encouraging and supporting me just by being themselves and bringing up their kids in ways that make the most sense to them. I am grateful for these women and the lessons I have learned from them. 

A daughter will follow in her mom’s footstep so make sure to set a good example.

Elizabeth George

I know that I am not exactly like these other women and my parenting style is my own. Yet I aspire to bring a little of each of them into the way I parent and into my relationship with Addy. There is one thing those mothers and I do have in common. We are all women, part of a sisterhood (or as my cousin Katie, calls it, a TRIBE) that goes back generations. Of course, there are striking differences across the ages. For instance, two centuries ago, commercial infant formula changed the landscape of women working outside the home and gave moms a choice on how to feed their babies. Then there are other aspects of motherhood that remain universal. Just like mothers before me, I make a lot of decisions regarding the upbringing of my daughter. The number and magnitude of those decisions fluctuates based on my daughter’s age and development (and I could probably argue, my comfort level as well), but decision-making has been and will be a part of my motherhood just like my mother’s and her mother’s before her.

My daughter may choose to one day be part of this motherhood, but she is already part of the sacred tribe and will be no matter what parenting choices she makes. Already she emulates me and wants to be just like mommy. Two years ago, she chose to dress up a mom for Halloween. As I helped her put her costume together, she told me that she needed glasses and her hair had to be in a messy ponytail. When I asked her why, she looked at me nonplussed, “Because you have glasses and a messy pony, Mommy!” I could almost hear the “duh” in her reply. I’m not Addy’s only role model. She watches and imitates her dad too. But I am the first woman she is currently modeling herself after. Whether I like it or not, I am her first role model.

Whether you’re a mom needing to hear that you’re not alone or a young woman just starting out on your adult journey, there is something in this blog for you. I’ll be interviewing some of my mommy role models and their daughters about everything from the early years to sexuality, from working outside the home or staying at home full time, from defining success to faith and spirituality. There will be space for the painful and sometimes stigmatized, like miscarriages and postpartum depression. Then there will be the difficult topics like talking about sex (yeah, my mom missed this one entirely…anyone with me on that?!). I won’t shy away from controversial topics nor will I be shy about my own failures as a mom.

We are all women, part of a sisterhood (or as my cousin Katie calls it, a TRIBE).

Because not everyone in the tribe is a mom (and I hope this will be a blog for women), there’ll be posts about success, travel, beauty, relationships, health, and living an active lifestyle. I’ll also be paying attention to the cultural and political climate. As women’s voices becomes more influential in the public sphere, this blog will explore both the positive impact and the darker underbelly of feminism.

In addition to my mommy role models, I have also come to admire women much younger than myself, who don’t have any children of their own. As a professional youth worker for over 20 years, I have spent a lot of time with a lot of girls and young women. For all the moms on my list, I can list as many or more of the daughters who have been inspirational to my own womanhood and by extension, my motherhood. 

I have this mantra for my daughter: you are brave, capable, smart, silly and kind.

I have this mantra for my daughter: you are brave, capable, smart, silly and kind. I created it when she was about two-years-old when it became clear to me that she heard a lot of words used to describe her as a girl, none of which were these ones above. And I was not okay with that! I considered the adjectives I, as a child, never heard or used when describing myself (aside from smart, which came much later in life) and wished, as an adult woman, I had. You are brave, capable, smart, funny and kind. My daughter knows the mantra and sometimes rolls her eyes when I ask her, “What is your mantra?” But she recites it, and it is part of her vocabulary. And if it is part of her five-year-old vocabulary, I am hopeful it will be part of her teenage and adult vocabulary as well. Diane Von Furstenberg, a fashion designer, is quoted as saying, “I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.” I couldn’t really say this, but I hope my daughter will be able to.

Behind my daughter’s mantra are set of values (I mentioned them before), not exclusive or exhaustive: strong self-esteem, resilience, compassion and purpose. I’ve seen how those attributes in my mommy role models flow into their daughters. As a parent, I find myself consulting these four values. I guess I could call them my mommy mantra, “I am parenting with strong self-esteem, resilience, compassion and purpose [so that my daughter might learn from me].” You might have a different mantra for your life, but I bet one or more of these surfaces from time to time. If that’s the case or you want it to be the case, this is a blog for you!

I have a mantra: I am parenting with strong self-esteem, resilience, compassion and purpose [so that my daughter might learn from me].

As a blog writer, I certainly don’t want to philosophize or espouse parenting doctrine. In fact, what you won’t find in this blog is absolute, black and white, right and wrong positions. You will find opinions, not just my own but a whole handful from women who believe deeply in their opinion. 

I want each topic, each interview, each voice on this blog to have traction and application. Making this blog something that enhances your day-to-day life is really important to me. In between interviews, I’ll get honest and forthright by sharing my own experience as a woman raising another woman. Check out my Addy Chronicles for a look at the everyday. I’ll do my best to highlight both the failures and the successes and even point you toward resources that have been helpful to me.

Instead of blog writer, maybe calling myself a curator is a more accurate description of what I’m to on Her First Role Model. Thanks for taking a chance on me. I hope you will glean some wisdom. And if nothing else, know that you are not alone. We are in this tribe together.