Addy Chronicles: COVID Opportunities & BFFs

Physical distancing is hard. We all know that. And then kids really know it! My daughter has grown quite savvy with her mask wearing and keeping 6 feet of distance between herself and others . She knows not to hug, high five nor wrestle. No trading jewelry nor putting her face within 2 cm of her best friend while giggling or playing with her hair! All of these are physical actions that are second-nature to a 6 year old girl. So when wearing a mask becomes so common place that she forgets to take it off in the shower, my heart both shrivels in mourning and lifts in pride. She is handling this as well or better than some adults I know (not going to name names here).

Friendship is important to her. So if it means 2 hours outside, getting cold or wet, she laughs in the face of this pandemic’s restrictions.

It has been nearly 2 hours since Addy headed over to her friend and neighbor, Z’s house for an impromptu play date. I have checked on them, and they are wet from the snow and rosy cheeked from the the dropping temperatures. A year ago, she would have asked to watch t.v. or said the weather was too icky to go outside. Now, during COVID, distance learning on a screen, and wearing masks in her dance studio, she is motivated by relationship. Friendship is important to her. So if it means 2 hours outside, getting cold or wet, she laughs in the face of this pandemic’s restrictions. Her very created nature – the one that was made for relationships and connectedness – cannot be denied!

For me, she is a testament to what we are all called to do during this crazy time: be responsible to others and keep making real connections to and with the community around us.

For me, she is a testament to what we are all called to do during this crazy time: be responsible to others and keep making real connections to and with the community around us. She is finding a new language to replace the hug and high five. Instead of denying her true self, she is finding a way to honor it. I’ve always believed “play” is a universal language, but even a child’s style of play has to adapt right now. They aren’t going to stop playing. They aren’t going to stop reaching beyond themselves. They aren’t going to slow down nor be satisfied with the status quo.

This is inspiring stuff! And this leads me to the topic of BFF’s!

As Addy and I talk about friendship, specifically what qualifies someone to be a “best” friend, physical distancing has created some real-time life lessons. As her momma and first role model, these are the opportunities I relish!

In the early 90’s, my best friend, Katie, and I had necklaces that together, created a whole heart and read “Best Friends”

At the start of summer, Addy used her own money to buy 2 necklaces. Each has a cute popsicle pendent on it, similar but different flavors (colors). Each also has a word on it! One starts with the word “Best” while the other finishes the common phrase with “Friends.” These necklaces aren’t new but rather a recycled trend from the early 90’s. My childhood friend, Katie, and I had necklaces that together, created a whole heart and read ‘Best Friends’! It wasn’t much different from the picture above.

It was Addy’s intention to give one of the necklaces to S, her BFF from Kindergarten. I tried talking her out of it, questioning the validity of the “best”. As a Momma Bear, I noticed S was a bit condescending toward my daughter and couldn’t even get her name right: it’s Addy, not Abby. And I’m pretty sure Addy was not her BFF. No, really, S is a lovely girl; she’s not much different than any other 6 year olds (or my “only child”). I really like S’s mom and admire the strong young lady she is raising. But a BFF of my daughter’s? Did she deserve such a place of honor and distinction?

With the arrival of COVID, the girls weren’t able to see or talk to each other for 6 1/2 months. The necklaces sat on Addy’s dresser, and we continued to talk about friendship and what makes a friend the “best.” I held back my opinions about her choice and simply shared about my best friends and their attributes and role in my life. She knows them all very well, so it wasn’t just theoretical.

We talked about kindness, about sharing, about lifting someone up, physical possessions versus character traits (all in 6-year-old speak, of course).

About a month ago, the two girls were reunited during a group playdate. Addy showered her BFF with adoration and indulged her fickle nature. But she forgot the necklaces at home (sigh of relief). As we walked home, we chatted. We talked about kindness, about sharing, about lifting someone up, physical possessions versus character traits (all in 6-year-old speak, of course). I pointed out that one of the nicest girls present that day was the one the others were all trying to ignore and hide from (my daughter included). Why I wondered? Without missing a beat, my daughter told me that the girl was too babyish! Inside, I replied, “Yes! You’re all still babies! Don’t grow up too fast.” I finally asked her point blank, “Why do you like your BFF so much?”

Addy answered me with clarity and far too much understanding of our society’s expectations, “Mommy, she’s cute and she’s popular!” And there it is. A 6-year-old girl is already maneuvering within the restrictive and deceitful social parameters set for girls. It was so hard for me not to react strongly and try to talk her out of her foolishness. I managed to keep a level head and asked her what popular meant to her. We talked about physical looks and cute clothes.

I get it, my dear daughter, more than you’ll know.

Fast forward to last week.

Addy came out of her room and said, “I’ve thought about it and decided that I am giving my necklace to Z.”

Addy came out of her room and said, “I’ve thought about it and decided that I am giving my necklace to Z.” Again, I strived to not over-react and to maintain a level head (I wanted to do a cheer). I expressed my surprise at her choice and curiosity as to why the change of heart. My daughter explained to me that Z is nice and they love spending time together. She’s funny. We laugh together. And she is really nice to me. Not to mention, they spend nearly every recess together! They are complimentary and the relationship is equitable. With Z, Addy is a better version of herself!

Yes, my dear daughter, I get it!

Z may not always be Addy’s BFF. In fact, Addy will likely have several throughout her life. And popularity and cuteness will still be something she notices and longs for from time to time. Admittedly, I do. Then my own Z shows up, and I am reminded of what crowns a friend with the title of “best”!

May you too be blessed with a BFF like Z.